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Mum's the Word

Hide your Bump throughout the Holidays - Rebecca Eckler

 

 

Got a fresh new bun in the oven? Lying, deceit and trickery are the best policies if youre not ready to announce your pregnancy.

It may be tougher to hide this time of year, when holiday parties are abundant. But you dont want your pre-bump stomach (thanks to first trimester hormones which cause major bloating/just make you look like you have just eaten five bowls of white rice) to spoil the news for you. 

When I was pregnant with my daughter, the second person I told was a perfect stranger, who probably couldn’t have cared less. He was a hipster waiter at a bar, where I was waiting for a friend to have a pre-party holiday drink with. I arrived 15 minutes early. Because I needed time to tell this waiter that when my friend arrives and I order a “vodka soda,” to come back with plain soda. The waiter was completely nonplussed (or thought I was insane)... 

...so I told him, “I’m pregnant and I don’t want my friend to know. When I order a 'vodka soda' make SURE it is just soda.”

Meaning that this random dude knew all about my pregnancy before even my best friends, my family - and I tipped him big time - since he did just bring me soda (although he could have lost the wink every time he came to the table). Did I feel bad lying to my friend?  A little, but not enough to give up my secret too soon.

So what are you going to do?  First off, the clothing dilemma. Never before has What should I wear?been so fraught as when you’re in the early stages of pregnancy and need to go to a party – particularly when you’re trying to hide it!

Wear fabulous long earrings, a cool scarf, or maybe even change your hairstyle! Guests and friends will say, You look different.And then you can actually say, without lying, that you just got a haircut. Whos going to notice a tiny bump, when theyre gushing over your necklace, earrings or bob cut? 

The goal, really, is to keep people looking north of your chest and south of your torso. 

I know. I know. Youre probably also thinking, But Im so tired. The bags under my eyes are bigger than my purse! I cant hide them! And I cant stop yawning either!(As a side note, holding a large boho bag, or sleek clutch, in front of you is also a good idea. I call this the paparazzi look”, because so many celebrities do this.)   Insert lie here. Yup. Say youve had long days at work. Blame your partner’s snoring for keeping you up. Just place the blame on someone or something else, like a fake barking dog next door.  Lying when youre in the early stages of pregnancy is your get out of jail free card. 

Immediately when you walk into a party, do grab that glass of wine, and though it may be difficult, just pretend youre sipping.

When I was pregnant, I would accept a drink and then make my way through the crowd to the washroom and dump the drink.  Or get to the party early, and tell the bartender that if you order a drinkto hand you a glass of water with a slice of lemon. 

And, although it may seem rude, if you are exhausted just leaveno goodbyes are necessary, at this stage in your life. You can always send a text the next day saying Thank you. I tried to look for you to say goodbye, but I couldnt find you!Ah, the deception. It IS kind of fun if you embrace it.

But here’s the real truth;  People just want to have fun at holiday gatherings. They arent worrying or thinking about whether you’re pregnant as much as they are thinking, Why is it so hard to get another drink?Or, Is the boss really dancing like that? I’m totally taking a video of that and making it go viral!

Rebecca Eckler is the bestselling author of Knocked Up, Wiped! Life with a Pint Sized Dictator, Toddlers Gone Wild, and The Mommy Mob, which have been published in numerous countries. She writes for numerous publications and websites about parenting across North America.